"I consider my life nothing, if I can just finish the race and the job the Lord Jesus gave me." Lecrae!!!!
My life has been full of wrongs and mistakes and lies and facades. I have judged and condemned and slandered and hated. I have believed lies and told them.I have tried the path of being righteous because of the law. I have spent my days immersed in His word only to listen to the interpretation of another man instead of the Holy Spirit. I have scolded the lost because of the sin that they only know. I have berated brothers and sisters because of their shortcomings. I have always tried to ignore the plank in my eye so I could pull the speck from another.I have made so many mistakes and said so many things. I often pray to God to know if I will ever be able to recover from those things? I pray to Him and ask why I am not good as the next guy? I ask Him why do they succeed and I don't? I pull at His robes and say Daddy do you love me? I as many people sit with questions of doubt and confusion only to have a overwhelming egocentric pride at the same time.
I have always wanted to be the best at whatever I do and I always wanted to do it on my own. Now I want to be the best person in God I can be but I keep failing and that is a hard thing to stomach. If my life is worth something then how can you gain rewards in heaven from these attributes. My life has changed and not boasting on that. It has found Love, Grace, and Mercy. Those things have allowed a growth that has led me to the place that I now sit.
Does the place you sit really matter though if it is not in the presence of the Lord?
Then I started to pray one thing God keep me humble and well I should have put more thought into that one because that is what He is doing. God humbling you is well no fun but it does answer questions. Like all the ones I asked earlier. I guess as I write this I am trying to keep myself accountable because the reality is that I have gone without humility, I have sinned, I have wronged bothers and sisters, I have judged, I have condemned, I have dome many thing that I have preached to youth about but I do understand that in doing all those things that God still loved me. I am in flesh nothing without the sacrifice, the grace, the mercy, and the love. God gave all those things to me and when I lose sight of that then my pride has won the battle. My race to finish is this life and the finish line is heaven but the hurdles we come across will not be easy to navigate on your own. We can not leap high enough or fast enough without Him or His training.
I am nobody without Christ! I am no better than you or any other person in this world. Yes I have found Jesus and the Holy Spirit resides in me but it does not elevate me over another.
I ask forgiveness from all that I have wronged, lied to, cheated, offended, abused, stepped on, pushed around. I am humbled by the life Jesus lived and pray that I can match it. No it won't be identical but that is no excuse for putting it as my life priority. And not to live religious but to live relationally. This is my statement of purpose. My request for forgiveness. My random thought of reason. My plea for accountability. My desperate cry for humility.
And all this because my pride has blinded me from His word, His truth, His love, and His grace. This is what I know. I boast in the weakness that I am to allow Him to perfect His power in me. Grace be with you and let His love abide your walk.
